Whatcha’ Doin’?
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
Have you ever stopped to consider the number of things that we do to make ourselves feel better? Have you ever stopped to consider how quickly, and at times habitually, we find ways to escape any kind of discomfort, be it physical, mental, or emotional? When it comes to extreme examples of pain, we can see people medicate and escape their hurts through all manner of addictions. But what about the more subtle and common types of discomfort that we experience in life? What do we do when something attacks our pride? How do we react to something that threatens our sense of self-worth? Is it always easy to apologize? Is it easy to admit when we are wrong? Is it always easy to decide what we should or shouldn’t take personally? There are countless examples of situations in which we may very well get defensive, shift blame, avoid a person or conversation, or just plain shut down. And all of these reactions are simply various ways of keeping ourselves out of uncomfortable or painful situations. The worst part is, for many of us, these reactions have become automatic and habitual, even though they do absolutely nothing to move us towards solving any problems. And they seldom do anything to strengthen or mend our relationships. In fact, many of these responses cause more hurt than anything else. Oftentimes, much like many addictions, these types of hurtful or negative responses to someone gives us a short-term “high” but are actually just damaging and unhealthy. By telling someone off, by passive-aggressively shutting someone out we make ourselves feel better.
It makes us feel as though we have somehow taken back control over something or someone that has offended or hurt us in some way. For many of us, these types of unhealthy responses are our immediate, knee-jerk responses to a hurt or an offense. But if we are honest with ourselves, we know that there are much better ways to handle these situations. If we want to have healthy relationships in our lives, one of the most valuable things that we can do is constantly strive to become more mature in the ways that we relate to others. This can mean a lot of hard work. A lot of having to be honest with ourselves about the way that we handle things. It can mean having to learn to swallow our pride and become a more patient, forgiving, and understanding person. This may not be easy for some of us. But if we will dig in and make the effort to do it, the payoff is almost always worth it. Provided you are in a relationship with someone who is not trying to hurt, manipulate, or take advantage of you, you will almost always see a favorable response to your efforts at striving to become a more mature and relatable person. This type of willingness to do the hard things where others, and ourselves are concerned is key to building our Christian character.
So, when dealing with difficulties in a relationship, when looking at how we treat others when we take offense, my question to all of us is: Are you just doing what makes you feel better, or are you doing what will make you feel better about yourself? Remember – there may be a very big difference between the two. God bless.
Going Beyond
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